


His Desire

by kylorenaissance



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dark Side Rey, F/M, Kylo Ren Angst, Snoke Being a Dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8971279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylorenaissance/pseuds/kylorenaissance
Summary: Kylo Ren's hopes and dreams are fulfilled with a marriage to Rey, but he remains uncertain and unsatisfied.“Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?”― William Makepeace Thackeray, "Vanity Fair"





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ghostsdontdie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostsdontdie/gifts).



> This feels like a slightly different take on the Kylo & Rey wedding idea. This is my first published fanfic, so I hope you like it. I welcome any and all feedback, constructive or not. ;) It's a lot of Kylo interior monologue. I feel like this fic can stand on its own, it's a bit of a one-shot, but I'd be happy to extend it into a longer work if you want to see more.

This was not what he wanted, at all.

Rows upon rows of white-armored stormtroopers filled the bare, echoing cargo bay of the Star Destroyer _Finalizer_ , behind several rows of black-clad First Order officers. The room’s walls were white as well, with grey durasteel columns snaking up to a ceiling several stories above. It seemed as if the general’s dull red hair was the only color in the room. Coincidentally, General Armitage Hux was also the only officer Kylo Ren could see who expressed any emotion. Hux smirked in his usual irritating, self-satisfied, way. 

Ren swallowed. His throat felt dry. He wasn’t sure if his voice would carry to the back of the room, when the time for that came. He faced the hundreds of troopers and officers, his back straight. He realized his fists were clenched, and he consciously relaxed his hands, flexing his fingers. He tried to arrange his face into a neutral expression, anything that wasn’t angry or sad. A smile would be impossible, even though it might be expected of him on this “happy” occasion. He certainly wouldn't cry, not in front of everyone, even though he'd known men to cry at their own weddings. Crying was for weak people.

This was the first time he stood before the army, unmasked. It was highly unlikely that any of these soldiers, except for Hux and the Knights of Ren standing behind him, had ever seen his face before today. The troopers could not have guessed where he had earned the freshly healed red scar across his face.

No one spoke or moved.

After what seemed like an eternity, the doors at the back of the hall slid open with a hiss. From some hidden speaker, a solemn march played, as a white-hooded figure walked slowly toward him.

Ren could sense the person’s hatred from across the room. No, this was not how he’d dared to hope this day would go. He could not see their face. For a panicked moment, he doubted it was really her. No, he would have known her anywhere.

Once he’d realized the woman gliding slowly toward him, was, in fact, Rey, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of ... something. It ought to be happiness, but it wasn't quite that. Perhaps disbelief. This was really happening. Rey wore a long, white robe that nearly touched the floor, and a hooded cape that partially hid her face, like a parody of a veil.

As Rey came closer, Ren began to pick up on more of her emotions. Hatred … but also … joy? Why was she happy? She had become much more adept at masking her thoughts from him since their encounter on Starkiller. But even she couldn’t yet hide her feelings from him. 

When she faced him on the altar, Ren realized Rey wore a mask under her hood, which had previously been hidden by shadow. It was a silver filigree faceplate that covered her mouth and nose, and the hood concealed her eyes. He also couldn’t help noticing she wore Darth Vader’s lightsaber clipped to her belt.

She looked like a queen. Beautiful and terrible.

Ren was unarmed. He folded his hands behind his back, and stood even straighter, if that was possible.

Snoke’s hologram flickered to life behind Kylo, only this time it was about seven feet tall, still towering over him and Rey, but not as large or as tall as it was on Starkiller Base.

 _What have you done to her?_ , he thought.

“This is your wish, is it not, Kylo Ren?” Snoke asked.

Kylo did not turn around, and still faced Rey. This was not the version of Rey he had ― He tried to cut that thought short before Snoke or Rey could sense where his mind was going.

“Yes, it is,” he said, with a confidence he did not feel.

But Ren had imagined something completely different than this, when he had said, “I could show you the ways of the Force,” during their duel.

After overpowering Rey on Ach-To with help from his Knights of Ren, and bringing her to Snoke, he hadn’t expected to be cut out of training her completely. In the months leading up to this wedding, he had not seen her. When he asked the Supreme Leader, Snoke would only say, “She is progressing much faster in her training than you did.”

He had allowed himself to imagine that he and Rey might both channel the light and dark sides of the force, and perhaps bring balance. Together at last.

At the very least, he had wanted Rey to be happy with him.

But if he were to be truly honest with himself, he had to admit that Rey on the Light Side could never love Kylo Ren.

For her to truly love him (if that was even possible) he would have to become Ben Solo again, or she would join him on the Dark Side. He had imagined Rey giving into her passion for him, letting her anger fuel her powers.

Instead, of falling in love with him, he realized, bitterly, her joy came from obeying Snoke. She would just as joyfully have put her lightsaber through his chest then go through with this, he knew. And perhaps he would have welcomed it

He looked at Rey's hooded face, where her eyes should be.

Snoke smiled.

“Good,” he said.

“Kylo Ren, do you take Rey to be your wife?”

“I do,” Kylo whispered, not taking his eyes off her. He still couldn’t see her face.

He looked out at the silent crowd. Hux looked disappointed. So his voice hadn’t carried to the back of the room after all.

"Kylo Ren, do you promise to be faithful to Rey, to protect her, and to raise warriors in my service?"

Ren clenched his teeth at that last sentence.

"I do," he said, stronger and more loudly.

“Rey, do you take Kylo Ren to be your husband?”

Rey did not immediately reply. She lowered the hood.

"I do," she said.

Above the silver mask, her eyes were yellow.


End file.
